Tour Du Vin

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The competitors are lined up on the porch: three red wines with bicycles on their labels. The purpose? Three laps, with winner-take-all victory to the wine that pulls ahead at the last corner. As the wines wait at the starting line, the field looks like it will be interesting.

The Australian competitor, Rolling, is an unknown 2004 Cabernet Merlot. No one’s seen her race before, but with her hat and coat, she gets a mention for wearing the nicest label. And from the alcohol content, she promises to have the most kick of the three.

The second competitor is Red Bicyclette, a 2004 Syrah from France. With wobbly wheels and a dog on a leash, it’s questionable how fast he’ll go. He’s the lightest of the three at 13% alcohol, and is known as a viable bike wine.

Filling out the pack is Cono Sur, from Chile. He’s a Cabernet Sauvignon, younger by two years than the others, and for some reason, he’s decided to show up without a rider. Nice looking bike though. And as a special benefit, he’s organic!

During Lap One, Rolling gets a head start. She has the best legs, and smells most like a serious wine, with an oaky nose followed by a hint of blackberry or currant. But Red Bicyclette takes a bit of a lead, skinny legs flailing away. The pepper flavours are fruitier than Rolling’s and the spectators start smacking their lips. Cono Sur is still showing some promise. Driest of the lot, he seems to have the most going on – yummy, smoky and a sparkle as it hits the top of the mouth. A strong start!

A little into Lap Two, Red Bicyclette is starting to lag. Some question his ability to carry all the way through this (or any) race. Rolling is definitely looking better on this round. If there’s any compliment to offer her it’s that there’s very little struggle in her race. But Cono Sur is coming on strong in this lap. Even more flavours are coming out; a true revolutionary wine (as in wheels and as in Cuban cigars).

The third lap is a sloppy one. Or perhaps the spectators have become sloppy – but that’s what happens when you get those laps in quickly. An unannounced competitor arrives (with little bicycles drawn onto the label), further blurring the spectators’ minds.

At the finish line, Cono Sur has broken away from the peloton. Biggest, thickest, driest wine with a long finish, it would be the one most easily enjoyed on its own. Pulling up second is the Frenchman, Red Bicyclette, his little dog still carrying a baguette in its mouth. Fruity and dry, it might not be the best for serious drinking, but would make a great accompaniment to a BBQ. Rolling falls to third; she’s got a nice outfit, is fast and light, but is just too sweet to be in a competition like this. Today the Chilean Cono Sur is the winner.

All three wines are available in a price range of $14.50 to $18.

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